August 27, 2006
Kitty and Christ
After a few weeks back in the United States and a few days in Beijing, Katie and Chris (or as they are referred to in the official NPU teaching schedule, “Kitty” and “Christ”) return to Xi’an for another year of teaching. Back to the land deep-fried scorpion-on-a-stick. Back to the land of babies pooping on the sidewalk. Back to the land of 50-person amateur harmonica symphonies. Back, in short, to Crazytown.
Fresh off the train from Beijing, their adventure begins. That very afternoon, Kitty and Christ are herded aboard one of a fleet of chartered buses to take a tour of NPU’s new auxiliary campus where the majority of this semester’s classes are to be held. The two young English teachers take their seats, and, with the impressive convoy underway, they look out the windows with a mixture of excitement and trepidation, previewing for the first time their new commute. As concrete apartment blocks give way to corn fields, a sinking feeling begins to set in.
“Is this still Xi’an?” asks Kitty.
“Oh. A goat,” remarks Christ.
After more than an hour of driving, they reach their destination, or, at any rate, the buses stop.
“This isn’t so much a campus as an enormous ditch,” observes Kitty.
“Filled with an army of construction workers,” adds Christ.
It should be emphasized that when Christ says “army,” he does not intend it as a colorful synonym for “crowd.” It is, if anything, an inadequate way to describe the scene before him: the literal cast of thousands toiling to raise the fabled New Campus up from the mud. Something Hollywoodesque. Like a cross between the Hebrews building the pyramids in Ten Commandments and the pail-wielding brooms in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, only with more cigarette smoking and shouting
“When are we supposed to start classes?” asks Christ, disembarking from the bus and comically dodging a stack of 2×4’s being carried by a passing worker.
“Monday,” answers Kitty glumly.
Together, they join the line of Chinese professors trudging across the soggy cardboard walkway leading to one of the grey buildings in the middle of the ditch. Inside, they are lead into a 500-seat lecture hall. The screen behind the podium is illuminated with a Powerpoint presentation detailing the benefits of the new campus, slightly obscured by the shadow of a ceiling fan cleverly placed directly in front of the projector.
“That would really irritate me if I could read Chinese,” thinks Kitty.
After the presentation, tour groups disperse to examine the classrooms that will theoretically be in use by the end of the weekend. Christ cannot help but notice that many of the rooms lack chairs. Others, ceilings. Meanwhile, Kitty is dismayed to discover that while the bathrooms lack electricity and running water, this does not protect them from apparently frequent use.
Will NPU’s army of shirtless laborers have the campus up and running by Monday? Will Kitty and Christ be able to adapt to teaching in a construction site? What new surprises does Crazytown have in store? Come back next week for more wacky escapades with everyone’s favorite mammal and messiah.