November 6, 2009
New China 60th Anniversary Celebration Rally: A Review (part last)
2:10:00 Two hours in, the military and the politicians graciously step aside and leave the spotlight to other facets of China’s Harmonious Society. First up and with much fanfare: science and technology. Scientists aren’t known for being impressive marchers, so the parade organizers haven’t even attempted to scour the country for researchers of matching heights to form into perfectly synchronized lab-coated battalions. Instead, the eggheads get to ride on top of a float. It’s pretty cool, with its giant microscope and double-helix, but I looked carefully and could not find a paper-mache depiction of a snake handing a magic apple to a naked white woman. Geez, teach the controversy, China. Grade: A
2:18:30 Next, there’s a float for athletes, a float for newscasters, a float for opera singers and a float for the university system. All in all, I’m finding myself generally convinced by apparent message: China is pretty awesome. Then, there’s a float I can only describe as the Happy-Friendly-China-mobile, equipped with a rainbow that surrounds Mao’s portrait as it passes. The Human Jumbotron breaks out a whole new color as this float passes, displaying in white-on-green characters the message: “Uphold World Peace.” Can’t argue with that. Grade: A
2:23:20 Uh-oh. Here come the happy ethnic minorities. And they are literally holding hands and skipping/dancing down the street to a song called “Love My China” (or “Love Me, China,” I’m not sure which). They are, of course, all wearing their respective traditional cultural costumes, which is helpful because for some groups it’s the only way to tell them apart from Han Chinese. Then, there’s a red lady with enormous puffy sleeves singing for some reason. Grade: B-
2:37:35 Phew. I’m getting a little floated-out here. What’s next? Oh, a float from every single Chinese province. Shaanxi chooses to showcase its aerospace industry and terracotta warriors industry. Tiny Ningxia shows off its, um, pom-poms I guess? And what about that rascally Taiwantheprovince? Did they manage to get a float together for this momentous event? Of course they did! Wouldn’t miss it! Grade: B
2:51:20 Ok. Time for China’s big finale… Kids with balloons!! Eh, could be worse. Once again, the sheer numbers alone are impressive. There have got to be thousands of (seemingly unsupervised) children marching down that street carrying balloons several times bigger than they are. At the end, they all release their balloons in front of Tiananmen and then rush the gate to thank Uncle Jiang Zemin for throwing such an awesome birthday party. Grade: A-
