Uncanny:

A Superhero Rock Opera

The Story

Our hero Jimmy Flash is an ordinary boy with an ordinary garage band. Until, one day, a handful of mysterious pills that Jimmy shares with his bandmates grant them special abilities beyond those of most mortal men...

Uncanny is the name of Jimmy’s group. It consists of himself, his girlfriend Sonya (aka Loadstone), his tough-guy drummer (aka Shatter), spunky female bassist (Shale), and science-wiz synth player (Griffon). They’ve poured their hearts and souls into their music for years, but, unfortunately there’s nothing terribly exceptional about them. Things are looking bleak, and it seems like the band is about to break up when Jimmy comes across the pills. The band all take the drugs together and go on a wild trip.

In the morning, Jimmy awakes with a terrible hangover. When something angers him, however, he inadvertently shoots a laser from his hand. When he rushes to tell his friends, he finds that they have been granted similar powers. Before they have time to debate about how best to use their gifts for the benefit of mankind, though, they are approached by Mr. Huge, a recording industry executive. He invites our heroes to sign a lucrative contract on the basis of their super-hero gimmick.

As we might expect, Uncanny becomes cocky and forgets its roots. There are creative disputes, and even Jimmy and Loadstone are looking a little rocky. However, it doesn’t matter since Mr. Huge has found a replacement for them: the obnoxious super-powered boy band, The Power Chords.

Mr. Huge reveals that he’s the one who gave Jimmy the pills in the first place. There is an epic battle against the Power Chords in which all five members of Uncanny are killed. They are then reincarnated as frogs for some reason.

IF I COULD BE A ROCK STAR

If I can’t find happiness,

Can’t seem to fill the void,

Is it because I’m young

Or cuz I’m unemployed?

I stuck a dagger in my chest

It didn’t even bleed

I’m beyond despair and hope

All I have left is need

If I could be a rock star

I wouldn’t have to yearn

The cravings deep within my soul

Wouldn’t have to burn

If I could be a rock star

I’d let my feelings out

I’d sing instead of masturbate

Play drums instead of shout

If I can’t be a rock star

My life won’t mean a thing

Cuz what’s the point of music

When no one’s listening?

POPPIN' PILLS

Mysterious Stranger:

Hey, buddy, are you out to buy?

If you wanna score, then I'm your guy

Listen up, my offer's hot

You interested? That's what I thought...

The shit I slang's the best in town

It'll lift you up, cuz you look down

They'll change your life, these pills I've got

Now answer me and move the plot.

Jimmy:

What do I look like? Get that bullshit outta here.

MS

Hey, don't call it bull til you tried this shit

I ain't shittin' you, my shit's legit.

I ain't gonna whine, ain't gonna bitch

Just listen while I make my pitch:

Jack, I've got your magic beans

Pop pop pop

Climb this stalk to a whole new scene

Pop pop pop

See that castle in the sky?

Pop pop pop

How you gonna get there if you don't get high?

Pop pop pop

(J: Fuck off, mysterious stranger. Go hassle someone else.)

Wendy, here's your pixie dust

Pop pop pop

To start to fly you only must

Pop pop pop

Just close your eyes and call me "Pan"

Pop pop pop

And you'll blast off to Neverland

Pop pop pop

Cinder‑girl, your pumpkin waits

Pop pop pop

Hop to the ball or you'll be late

Pop pop pop

Your boring life in rags is gone

Pop pop pop

With one hit off my magic wand

Pop pop pop

My friend, you've got to take a risk

Pop pop pop

Don't let this be the chance you missed

Pop pop pop

How you know all you could be?

Pop pop pop

Listen, man, this shit is FREE...

J: Free?

POPPIN' PILLS (reprise)

Uncanny:

What use is bein' in my head?

Pop pop pop

Either way: gonna wind up dead

Pop pop pop

The choice is neither wrong nor right.

Pop pop pop

Gonna take a little trip tonight

Pop pop pop

Trip track tweak trash toke tie toot

Burn blow blaze blast bake bang boot

Push n' puff, rip n' roll

Jab n' jolt n' juice

Sniff snort spike spark slam shine shoot

I SHOT A LASER FROM MY HAND

Jimmy:

(operatic) I shot a laser from my hand!

What a strange thing to see

Did it happen to me?

Have those drugs merely addled my brain?

A distinct beam of light

Blue and blindingly bright

Flew from my fist. Am I going insane?

I shot a laser from my hand.

A laser from my hand.

A laser.

A laser from my hand.

Man, what an awesome gift

If every time I'm miffed

This bright bolt of destruction goes "Zap!"

Just like Bruce Banner's bulk

When he becomes the Hulk

This skill might just put me on the map.

I shot a laser from my hand.

A laser from my hand.

A laser.

A laser from my hand.

And now I think I understand:

Because I shot a laser.

A laser from my hand.

Time to tell my band!

SYNTHESIZER SUPERMEN

Mr. Huge:

My friends, I see that you’ve been blest

By fortune’s friendly hand.

You can do things that aren’t done

By any other band.

What other band or hand could shoot

A laser brilliant blue?

I see it now: the future, kids!

And it depends on you.

My name is Mr. Huge and I’m

A real important guy.

This band’s caught my attention, babe.

And now I’ll tell you why...

You are...

Synthesizer supermen

Mutant music makers

All rock stars can be heroes

But next to you, they’re fakers

Synthesizer supermen

Though perhaps you didn’t choose it

If Hercules could play guitar

You can bet the gods he’d use it.

I say these things with honesty

And with intentions pure.

I work for Action Records.

You’ve heard of us, I’m sure.

What I’ve got here’s a contract

Prepared for you to sign.

And if you do, I guarantee

Success will soon be thine.

Your voice on every radio

Your face on every screen

Your music isn’t worth a thing

If you can’t sell to teens.

But you won’t have that problem. You’re...

Synthesizer supermen

Mutant music makers

All rock stars can be heroes

But next to you, they’re fakers

Synthesizer supermen

This combo’s sure to flat’nem

If Robin and his Merry Men

cut albums, they’d go plat’nem

Some might say this is hasty

But I for one am sold.

A super-powered rock band?

Your gimmick’s solid gold!

Caped heroes and musicians both

Have certain common ties.

They serve as mythic characters

For us to idolize.

So don’t you see? You’re perfect!

You’re all that you could be.

Cut the crap and sign the contract, kids.

Let’s make some history.

Synthesizer supermen

Mutant music makers

All rock stars can be heroes

But next to you, they’re fakers

Synthesizer supermen

Please listen while I sing this.

If Beowulf had rhythm

He’d be rapping in Olde English

Mr. Fireman ain’t a hero

Cancerboy ain’t a hero

But you could be a hero

You don’t gotta be good, if you got the goods.

My friends, I see I’m getting through.

And that is as it should

Just choose to be the good guys

And you have got it good.

You don’t need to fight evil

You just need to fight bad

Stand strong against the weak, my friends

Stay sane against the mad

On behalf of Action Records

I welcome you aboard.

You’ll soon have all the luxury

A rock star’s life affords...

Synthesizer Supermen

heroes of the day

Rising up above the crowd

In all substantial ways.

Synthesizer Supermen

Our adoration’s yours

Your fans, though they may hate you now,

Will soon prove fickle whores.

Synthesizer Supermen

Uncanny, every one.

Though heroes may be pious

Without power, they’re just nuns.

Synthesizer Supermen

A killer combination

We’ll send you straight to marketing

With little alteration.

UNCANNY ROLL CALL

Uncanny:

Jimmy Flash!

First of all our leader with his laser-launching limbs

Our vocal sound cannot be found with anyone but him

We could call him “Photon” or “the Human Flare” or “Shine”

But his name’s already Jimmy Flash, and that’ll do just fine

Shale!

Her touch can turn you into stone, and I really hate this pun

But this funky chick can really rock in more ways than one.

Metamorphic sediment and igneous too.

In any case, she plays the bass. The youngest of our crew.

Loadstone!

Our sexy lead guitarist, but that’s not her only draw

Her magnetic personality should be against the law

You may say that isn’t how electro-magnetism works.

She bends metal with her mind, okay? Stop being such a jerk.

Shatter!

Our drummer’s got the muscles, and an attitude to boot!

And he’d rather wear those tattered jeans than any three-piece suit

With those cybernetic arms, you know he’s no one’s fool

It doesn’t make much sense, but it sure looks cool.

Griffon!

This fearsome winged creature plays our synth machine

His claws caress the keyboard, his cuts are sharp and clean

His power is just to be a griffon, I guess.

But everyone loves a griffon-man and you deserve no less!

THE DEATH OF UNCANNY

Mr. Huge:

Crucified the man from Smallville

And they broke the Dark Knight’s spine

The wolverine

Got his bones stripped clean

And they shut down Optimus Prime

The destruction of Uncanny

It’ll be a ratings smash

A great success

Your tragic deaths

And I’ll collect the cash

PASSING OUT

Uncanny:

Life in the swamp is rough.

Reincarnation’s a bitch.

But now that at last our tale is through

There’s only one thing left to do.

We’re Passing out

Huge: This shit for free. If you wanna pass out, pass out with me.

X3

We’re eating flies instead of caviar

The pond reflects our faded stars

We must accept our glory days as gone.

Now that we’ve finally lost the fight

We can pass out of style and out of sight

Life’s so much simpler when you’re an amphibian

And now we’re passing out.

Huge: This shit for free. If you wanna pass out, pass out with me.

X3

Passing out

Huge: And here’s your key. Now shuck off that frail identity.

Passing out

Huge: as you can see. Make sense who may. Don’t look at me.

Passing out can set you free. It’s a fate that’s not so un-can-ny.